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Habari gani? (What's the news?) Archive 2012, Erin at 28.

Archive 2012: And they shall call me Sits in Dark Corner, Talks to Self (Saving the World by bouncing from Sertraline Idealism and Nyquil Rationalism)

January 4
What year is it?!?!? Huh? WHAT? WORD! It's the year of Erin! That's what the guys upstairs keep telling me.
Existential crisis of sorts—I felt like I actually didn’t mean anything to anyone but curmudgeons but not even to them. That for the most part I’m here to amuse people, not to form any real relationships, like with one person I figured I could make up whatever I want about myself to tell him because ultimately, he wouldn’t remember on a day to day basis, so I don't have to keep track of the lies. I continued my work on my brain by eating almonds, fish pills, water, and running on the treadmill.
Big idea: biofuel derived from kudzu
Head cold, traffic increases in the morning due to more employment or more youngins not carpooling like old people.

January 8
I start to get into researching vitamins and trying to figure out which one I might be deficient in. This entry I looked into Folic Acid and Vitamin E but even back then I knew I had to be careful because of vitamin overdose or just waste in general (creating fancy pee).
My regimen at that time: 1 multi vitamin with no iron, 1 fish oil pill, 1 vitamin E, 1 biotin--for my weak hair and nails. Once I've moved taking the fish oil to nights, it's been giving me weird dreams.
Reading: The Seven Pillars of Wisdom.

January 13
Sick again and while doped up on Nyquil I found the flaws in my ideas to cure societal woes. It seemed as though money would manipulate my plans (as it does, as it should). I think it was where anyone goes to any doctor they want and there’s a set price you pay for treatment but then the good doctors would get swamped and possibly move to somewhere more exclusive (Well, dealing with doctors and insurances is a hobby of mine so you can see why I hate it so much and want it to change). Of course it would fail, and then we’d be in the same predicament we’re in now. Then I went into public schools. This may be more plausible where a rich school just adopts a poor one in the same city and everyone stays where they are, maintaining small class sizes.
Or do the communist thing here and only here! Combine all the money coming in for all school districts in one city and redistribute it evenly! Mediocrity for everyone! Mediocrity forever! Don't ask me about really poor cities! Stop poking holes in my somewhat good half thought plans!
You said it, not me, 27. Those happy pills must have been super powerful for me to go from delusional optimism to practical realism in a matter of days (I wouldn’t say I was depressed at that point). But I guess it must have been half way decent for me at this time if I had the brain space to try and solve world problems or even want to think through them because for the next few entries that’s all I wanted to discuss (Well, isn’t that what you do when you’re on drugs? You like, contemplate the world, man…).
As humans we have a problem, a perception problem. No matter where we are, we’re always trying to prove our own worth that we have in ourselves to other people who are doing the same. When we see our own flaws, we downplay them to spare our own sanity, but all the people in our lives that we come in contact with, whether they like us or not, do not have the same flaw filter. They see our flaws as dangerous to either ourselves or to society as a whole. It is then natural to lash out at these people to get them to quit whatever it is that they’re doing. To bluntly tell them the cold truth—as whomever they are to you, they owe you that much. That rarely goes over well—and then it becomes your mission to prove all the naysayers wrong.
Look at me world, look at what I have made of myself! I’m something!
I had that problem once about many things that I wanted to do with my life. That no matter whatever I had my heart set on, it wasn’t good enough. That there was a slim chance to none that I would publish a book, ever (it happens to other people, not to you). However, I didn’t threaten everyone who tried to stop me with weapons, I just started to ignore most of what they said and retreated into being a hermit, continuing my work. I didn’t need their criticism when I had my own. But it did take me a few years after graduating high school and just getting away from a lot of people that by pitting myself against the world that I was holding myself back. That ultimately, it wasn’t about them and their approval, it was about me and how I feel about myself because it’s my life. For the most part, they won’t be in my life and when I am getting published it may not even register in their lives. So I can only focus on myself, what I can do, and what I think I can try to do better. If I need their help, I’ll ask but I won’t be surprised when they fail me.
However, it still doesn’t take away the fact that there are millions of authors running around out there and that I do have to bring it to at least make a half decent living or to not get ridiculed relentlessly because of a major plot flaw.
I should probably try to remember this

January 28
I'm feeling a bit nauseated as I stuck to my happy pill schedule and sick, the cold is an infection and it came back so I'm also antibiotics and I'm flooding my brain with music. I might have to go pass out soon. .

January 18 to January 22 The Phoenix mini-vacation
January 18
Our purpose of this trip? Mainly rocks. The procurement of shiny rocks.
Diverting my path in life away from those my own age had left me to be surrounded my many middle aged people for at least 8 years out of the 10 since graduation. As of late, those my age have returned back into my general area. I'm feeling weird about it because I've been working for years and they're now just getting into it so I feel positively ancient and like always I can't rewind my brain back to that moment of my life to relate to them (get off my lawn! whippersnappers!). I kind of wondered if they were always here and I just didn't notice so while in the airport I decided to look around for people my own age instead of vaguely stare at everything. I want to say I didn't see any or that I just can’t tell anymore because we’re all old now and it’s just not registering that all these balding, out of shape people are actually my own age.

January 20
…But the drive up there was nice when I wasn’t falling asleep because my sleep was disrupted the night before. I can’t sleep when traveling, I like to look around but it was hard to stay awake. It has been almost a year of living on my own, so when I go to bed it’s always dark and without any noises like snoring. I have issues with snoring and cicada noises, I can sleep through storms but not snoring because I think it’s a loud disruptive noise that has no rhythm. I brought earplugs but I’m still a light sleeper—I have to rethink my strategy or find new earplugs, something (the noise canceling headphones look like they’re a bit bulky to sleep in) cause I didn’t like it before and now I really can’t stand it. I finally figured out my issues with traveling as to why I tend to end up not very rested on vacations. It’s now such a big ordeal with airplanes (making the flight, let alone trying to find the right terminal—most airports confuse me, and packing the right stuff) that after I get through it, I want to go back to my bed and sleep for a while. But instead, I have to go to a hotel or a house where the beds may not be so great (usually in hotels they have crap soft beds that I hate—usually puts my back out of alignment) and use bad flimsy pillows. This and the snoring keep me awake and then I have to get up early to go look at stuff. That and then I have to share a bathroom with too many people and be on their schedule to use it (not enough room to have your stuff out, odd soap, and cheap towels that always seem soaked when you use them). First world problems, I know.

But this deprivation is making me think bad things are happening to my house (fire, break-in, inhabited by gypsies) or that everything is changing for the worse on me at work while I’m gone.
Like I said, the drive was nice or what I could see of it. We saw Nothing which used to have a rock store or something but has sense been abandoned.
Thank you, 27. I guess this was a good idea to slog through all this. It has happened before but it wasn’t severe enough to make me remember it. Now how do I stop it aside from sleep? And quite possibly the big question that I will never answer—why does it happen?

January 21
I have to go get my ears repierced for my birthday and then replace all hooks with platinum or find some way to reverse a nickel allergy.

January 22 Quartzsite SELL-A-RAMA
I was beat. The sleeping situation was not getting any better. I tried to sleep in the car. I didn’t. I still wasn’t totally relaxed either. I had also failed to bring happy pills with me because I thought I could get through the five days without it. I was wrong. I’m not even sure if the happy pill would knock me out to the point where I wouldn’t be disturbed by any noises whatsoever…..
My eyebrows were still hurting at this point too (I had gotten my eyebrows threaded at a Mexican Grocery Store for first time and I never pluck my eyebrows). I was happy to be there, I like the Quartzsite festival. They have neat things there for decent prices. Mainly we came for the rocks and the jewelry. But I really wasn’t up for the roughly 3 mile walk, it was to the point where at times I felt dizzy I was so fatigued. I did get some things like a chunk of Labradorite that I am going to hang in my kitchen, some earrings that are made of the Morpho Butterfly wings and are most likely illegal (they might be from Brazil—it’s illegal to poach them in the US, I did feel a bit guilty buying them but they’re so pretty. I have a couple antique pieces that desperately need to be reset into something better, less junky). A malachite ring I didn’t intend on buying (the merchant made me a deal I couldn’t refuse) as I like the shape and size of it, it’s just that I already have a ring with malachite. But the metal is cheap on this and turns my finger a slight shade of green. I also got a giant post card map of where the Indian tribes were/are in the US, a Lapis pendant (I learned that lapis can be faked on this trip so I have to test them under a uv light--they glow white if they are real), some really pretty opal earrings, and I was able to buy some Fire Agate. How I will set it, I don't know.
I could have gotten a crying velvet elvis painting. I know, I was tired and walked away without asking the price and it would be hard to get it back home not just stick in someone’s bathroom. This was possibly too awesome for a bathroom. I did see a lot of wholesalers of rocks and it makes me wonder just how much mining goes on.

February 2
Today my horoscope said one thing:
Your sense of direction could make all the difference. You are able to make quite a difference by allowing your creativity to flow. Say what you are thinking to the right audience, and they will think you are a genius. To the wrong audience, you are an idiot. Pick and choose your occasions. Tonight: Start the weekend early.
More trying to understand foreign issues—Iran vs Israel edition.
I just realized if this war starts that will be all 3 decades of my life with a war in it. It's bad enough the baby boomers wrecked our 20s and any chance of a calm transition into adulthood, and I do not want to spend my 30s as Cozamalotl, Queen of the Atomic Wasteland.

February 10
Stuck in writing, no secondary immediate villain running around to cause drama but there was the task of pulling information out of the characters and making them lovable. I felt like I needed to go experience life but I wasn’t sure where to go or to go with yet I felt like I couldn’t abandon my writing completely. People my age were finally getting jobs at the agency and like in high school I felt like an outsider since I had more in common with the curmudgeons (and it seemed like they all seemed to know each other, again I was the observer, but then again they were all in the professional jobs and I was in the bottom dweller jobs). You could just tell looking at them, they were so optimistic thinking they had the ability to change the world in this job and at this agency. The sad truth was I knew it would end up breaking them eventually.

Other than that, I’m feeling a bit neglected and I can’t pour all my angry energy into my creative writing because it’s a happy time (and as I continue I will only have the opposite problem). Unless...Emo poetry, go!

I have stopped caring
Your sucking does not limit you
Vacuous black hole But not all hope was lost:
Democrat: YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY -- The conditions that have impeded your progress in the past will dissipate or diminish in the year ahead. They'll be replaced with activities that could provide opportunities to visit new places and make new friends.
IT’S ABOUT TIME! This is pretty much what I’ve always wanted to hear. I’m going places!
Process of growth, sure as I am at least 23,000 words into writing this thing so I am growing.
Boring birthday report (running around walmart and eating), being told I had an ear infection by my chiropractor with a fun adventure with emergen-care (so fast and easy, why can’t everyone be like this?), more ragging on health insurance, and further contemplation of world events.

February 12
Shenanigans commence, cue the inspirational girl music [Natasha Bedingfield Unwritten], begin inane twirling. I did the run for the chocolate race today. You know, it seemed like such a great idea. I would get to do something different during the weekend instead of clean, cook, shop, or sleep. I thought I like chocolate, I can walk or run 3 miles, I might even meet a guy because everyone is color coded (even if I don't care much about valentine's day). Such a great idea and only $30? Okay, let's do it.
I forgot to check the weather. It got cold all of a sudden.
So I needed to wear layers. I was armed with long johns that my dad was issued (never used) in the air force. He was skinnier back then but not as skinny as me. Then I thought it was a good idea to wear my old high school gym pants that are windbreaker material and lined and a lot larger than I remember. Topped with the long john top, the pink t-shirt they gave me, a giant purple sweatshirt, a scarf, my sunglasses, and my knit hat with ear flaps and tassels. Basically no one could see me at all, I was a bundled lump. I think I scared a 12 year old at one point.
Anyway, this thing was full of RUNNERS. They love to run. They, both men and women, wear stretchy pants, North Face jackets, and fleecy headbands and mouth guards. They have teams which wear matching coats from the north face and have their names written on them, they train and run whenever they can no matter what, they bring their kids, it's what they do. They're so trendy. They ran this 3 miles in 17 minutes then they ran home and didn't collect their chocolate prize for winning. Me power walking with very loose pants, after trying to run with the scarf around my face and still losing my breath and my nose running due to the cold air took me 51 minutes. The chocolate was cheapo hearts and they had all the cold water I could drink (originally it was room temperature), and if they did want us singletons to get together then they failed to mention what color I should be looking for if they were wearing the shirts at all (they had the shirts available the day of the race which proved to be senseless). I could pick out all the single girls, some chose to wear tutus. I could have as I have a hot pink square dance slip (who doesn't?). I could pick out the marrieds they wore red. But the single guys--navy blue as far as I could tell. I think I saw 3 of them wearing them once I realized they were wearing the event shirts. They could have planned this better perhaps with arm bands (I'm not even sure how long they've been doing this).
All in all, I got a nice walking tour of some dilapidated buildings in North St. Louis and I wasn't dead last.

March 1, 2012
Forging ahead
When we last left our hero, Erin was 25 some odd thousand words into the book while writing things she doesn’t know about (sane, happy times, where it all began if you will). Will she complete the book before her presumed 52 days left in the job is up? Stay tuned!
There are many reasons. Many reasons I keep going over as to why I am doing what I am doing. One was for writing. It was supposed to balance. Desk Jockey job to keep the brain from stagnating, for structure. Night job for exercise and to keep in contact with some people who can answer odd questions when I have no answers (If you call this socializing). Ultimately with the help of Sertraline, water, and vitamins B-12 and folic acid along with sleep this was to help me fine tune my performance in writing.
But it’s failing. They’ve given me plenty of time to write at desk jockey job. I’ve tried to get into more but there are few things for me. We’re still hearing things that sound threatening to the job’s existence itself. They’ve also taken away a room where I can rest if I needed to due to pills or just my own spastic brain—they’re replacing it with a coffee bar (oh that’s exactly what we need). Then night job is being altered on a new timeline. Meanwhile, those who can help me by answering questions that stump me are doing what others have done before them— leaving. It always happens and it’s not like a conscious decision on their part—it’s like I have the ability to further other people’s lives so that they’ll end up going elsewhere. I don’t know why I keep trying to keep people around me or even remotely depending on others. But it just happens.
In order to rectify this, I’ve been unintentionally staying up a bit too late either catching up on the world or rereading what I wrote and working off that, so I end up agitated and tired at work. It helps me to reread the whole thing and then keep going but I don’t want to waste the paper or mail myself the whole file in the email.
Simple sugar is also still causing me trouble and I can’t fully get rid of it out of my diet which it seems to be a total requirement—nope, I’m not diabetic, it appears to be a malabsorption problem. It was weird when I started to take the folic acid—I felt this tingling in my abdomen, roughly where my intestines are. Sometimes the folic acid makes it feel like something is pushing on my brain—it’s a bit unnerving. I’ve cut back on it a bit.
It’s times like this that makes me think I shouldn’t be writing but I’ve said this over and over and over again—what else should I be doing? Nobody else seems to have the answer to this either.
The main problem. The nature of the work that they are doing. This is the future. The future is simple and easy. You push a button, stuff happens. Why would I need a massive amount of people to do the same job if like one person can do it (or am I just seeing this too simply?)? Should I overlook this and hope that no one notices? Focus on what our heroes are doing and only what they’re doing? You see, I did plan it out, very minimally but I need to know more to progress the plot. A part of me doesn’t care about this part because it’s kind of irrelevant but that doesn’t solve my problem of having an interesting plot.
Like this:
Aphrodite pushed a button to turn on the lights on the outside of the space station. She did this task every 20 minutes for the next 4 hours. After that she had a lovely lunch of white bread with mayonnaise. Then she completed her work day of pushing the same button for four hours after that.
“This is the most fulfilling job I have ever done in my life,” Aphrodite said to her friends at dinner time.
Fin
The suspense is killing me.
Maybe because this book is initially the complete set up of the series is why I’m having issues. It’s easy to write when it’s all in place. But here’s the thing, they’re not going anywhere at this point and there only so many times something can break. There is only so many times something can explode. I want it to live. But in order to live does it have to live the mundane? That’s why we read in the first place, to get away from the mundane.

March 11
Exchange rate
I've discussed this here before, that if fame is going to be involved in your success, that something must be sacrificed. This is just a general observation and from what I can tell, there is no way to control what is sacrificed.
This week, I wrote a good chunk of the book. It was rare, whether or not it's good or not is another matter (I found the ability to let my characters babble...). There had been advertising covered in Elephants (for a circus, yay...) on my computer at work and I couldn't figure out why because I didn't think there was anyone around me who could destroy me. So why was I seeing elephants?
I had an oversight. I did depend on them--on all of them. The Nightcrawlers. It's over. They want to turn them into Daywalkers.
The woman who possibly had a hand in my two day employment [in 2009] came to work on my floor as well—this did not sit well with me.
After I heard that news, I found 10 dollars and 16 cents (okay, maybe destruction is coming my way). So basically, an awesome place where I could discuss my writing and be myself completely (day job is getting a good 75% complete Erin--this isn't bad) is being destroyed. It really is going to be rewritten on a whole new timeline.

March 24
I was at a bar Monday night, for a quick discussion with the owners about a retirement party to end all retirement parties with the geezer of the hour. Well, there were some guys my own age there. Average looking, Aberzombies or maybe it was Hollister, who knows, who cares. But I was attempting not to look like I was with the old man (as in the old man's girlfriend). To get at least one of them to start chatting me up because frankly, I couldn't really tell any of them apart and I'm sure I didn't know where to start. You know what these losers did? Looked at me for a second, went back to their phones, then looked at me again then back to their phones. Yes, I was looking good. I was in a very nice dress for some reason
I'm just beside myself. It's been 10 years since I've had any contact with those around my own age, 4 years since my last relationship, 3 of those years I was emotionally dead and mostly brain dead, and 1 year of hanging out with fairly smart anti-social old men who were impressed with me for just showing up and talking to them like they were human. Is this what I have to contend with on the outside world? I know, I shouldn't have expected so much out of them, they're different you know. And once I got down to it, past the average looks, the t shirts, there probably isn't anything there. I couldn't talk to any of them about what I'm thinking about or even talk to them normal like (in order to not scare too many people, I do hold back at first. If I were to talk to everyone like I do to the guys upstairs it would be like ripping off their own arm and beating them over the head with it, it can get messy.). I know there are others who are not like those average boys but I was trying to get away from what I usually find attracted to me. Aside from being fat with poor eyesight and usually some sort of addiction or addictive personality it seems like those who come after me are guys who no longer have anything to lose. While that seems like something you would think I want, it probably isn't because they just end up reckless and I don't want to clean up after them. They don't know why they've come to this point and I'm just an agent of change for them to send them elsewhere as well as a confidence boost. I need a balance, someone who won't turn me into the full time anchor for them because I'm not that good at it, it took me forever to do it for myself and if I didn't consciously do it to myself then I can't expect anyone else out there to even come close if they aren't even aware of what they're doing.
27 thousand words! Yeeeeeeeeah! SUCK ON THIS apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap120312.html

April 5
I’m a bit dazed. I have new digs in a dark corner. I submerge myself in this corner and when I come out I’m tired—particularly since the last week was spent in the Hunger Games (I also might need a better lighting set up but that’s beside the point). Sometimes, people visit me.
Fun breakdown of the Hunger Games and how Katniss is just trying to survive with PTSD which makes her a hard character to relate to because she was so distant in the book.
But all of this isn’t without adventures in the real world. CUE THE MUSIC (I need a new single girl theme, something to make it more ridiculous than it already is!) Go dance in a kitchen while you make a lard-laden dessert and drink a diet pepsi….
The retirement party to end all retirement parties. With ERIN, the old men, seemingly young guys who are with girls, more old to middle aged people and single girls who are wearing very short mini dresses making me feel really over dressed but warmer than they were.
I pretended I was normal and got bored.
Woo! And it was…relatively boring! Yeah! I ate food, they gave me a light beer that still tasted like butt, I nursed it for a good couple hours. We walked around, talked at each other, had our heads blasted off by the music, went to the bar across the street (and parking was a madhouse). Looked at everyone there, one of the guys ordered me a mixed something girly and weak (a lot of juices and something else not vodka because it didn’t taste like rubbing alcohol) but equally awful. I only drank a quarter of that.
So, I’m at a loss. I don’t know anymore. I was out in the city on a Friday night in the trendy area and there was nothing there. Not even the zombies. And I’m seriously done with alcohol. Not even one drink every five years anymore. I was suspicious that it was screwing with my brain but now I know it really was and my brain does not process it like everyone else (and it’s stupid expensive!). I didn’t feel any euphoria, none. I felt the same even in the crowd of the good time people who are supposed to influence my brain into seeping the good time social chemicals that make you all social and happy while drinking or something. I felt perfectly normal except I was aware that what I was drinking tasted like butt. I went to bed and slept for a full 7 hours. Woke up tired. Not hung-over. Just tired. It was a wasted Saturday and I have too much crap to do even bother with this anymore (and it would age my outward appearance considerably. I’m only 110 pounds, where are these extra calories going to go?). I tend to think that the happy pill makes me a better drunk if you would call it that. People like me more and I tend to mouth off more. But even with the happy pill, I can function--slower but if my brain tells me to sit or lay down I usually have to.
The observation that the normals like to take stimulants or depressants to be like me in my natural state is not lost on me (well sometimes you do get paranoid on a bad trip, right?). Sometimes, it’s rather insulting. Here I get the social stigma, while it’s considered a right of passage, a normal thing that everyone goes through and everyone needs to do in order to have “interesting stories” (Why doesn’t anyone want to hear my stories?) or to see creations more clearly. It’s also not lost on me how recreational use has lead to the stigma of studying things like hallucinogens in the sense that it could be used for cures (but we can’t know for sure and no one wants to find out the hard way if it’s not particularly if the drug isn’t all that it is sold as). They at least get to control when they go out of control, they at least get breaks from it. I was also still looking into what causes my being—I was told at one point that maybe I was anemic and of course B12 deficiency is associated with that.

April 20
Spaz brain activate!
I thought that the Monday after this entry, I would be losing my job because all my other jobs lasted 2 years exactly. So with the previous 11 months served as a desk jockey, I figured this would be it. I was trying to prepare, as I often put it I was weaving the safety net to fall back on while balancing on the tight rope of my life. I didn’t succeed in getting the book written like I wanted to but I did make it to 28,000 words (nearly half way done). But it was still a rough road as I was finding plot flaws in what I wanted to have happen.
I also contemplated why people think I look better in a dress (for no good reason because all they see is a nice looking body for the time being)
Plus a report on my brain improvement quest with folic acid and how it started to make me feel weird (odd headaches)

April: Bruce and I start being more but I was still unsure as to whether or not I wanted to date him.

May 7
News from the outside: Two guys from high school are backing a fairly successful band, Electric Guest

May 11
“Flower for hair—check, awesome shell necklaces—check, Hawaiian shirt—check. Happy pill—of course, [youtube: Wipeout, Hawaii five-0 theme played by kazoos, and a dance remix of aloha oe] Cue the music. It’s THE ERIN HAWAIIAN SUPER SPECIAL!”

May 1- May 6
Highlights. Happy pills make long haul flights easier to sleep but for only 45 minutes as I couldn’t lay down (happy pill says LAY DOWN, NOT RECLINE CURLED UP IN AN ODD BALL). But overall it was relaxing with the bobbing of the plane in the jet stream along with the music I had that I could crawl into on the Ipood and all the snacks I brought (honey roasted peanuts, almonds, gummy bears and peanut butter filled pretzel nubs along with a water bottle.) This time I just wanted hot tea. First time being on a plane that showed movies (ooo fancy). I also noted that there is nowhere to land if anything goes wrong (paranoia still wanted to break through the pill fog).

5/2
We didn’t stay in a traditional hotel (it was inexpensive in ways I will not explain) which I think was best. It was a nice little cottage. Aside from that Honolulu is like every other big city too crowded. I find in recent years I just don’t like being around too many people in a bustling city. Visits: Hanauma Bay, the Honolulu Walmart, Pear Harbor (People are smiling and taking pictures on a tomb of dead guys (yay?), got stuck in traffic, downtown to Chinatown, then to Sorabol the number one Korean restaurant in Honolulu.

5/3
The five hour time difference isn’t so bad. Breakfast time is lunch time at home, so it works out well, even if we’ve gone slightly hobbit and started to east second breakfasts. I still get kind of winded at 5pm though.

Today we watched the news report on the local NBC affiliate. Today’s weather is sunny but breezy but tomorrow will be breezy but sunny. They also report on the wind speeds, the UV ray strength, the roadways (H1 and H2 are clogged, as always) and the gas prices. It’s an average of $4.50 today, this isn’t too bad since the mainland has started to catch up. In Illinois alone it has reached around $4.10.

Visits: Atlantis Submarine Adventure at the Waikiki Hilton, McDonalds Honolulu (for the local menu items but no Spam burger), Iolani Palace, and finally a Luau at the Hale Koa Hotel

5/4
The usual thought that something is changing and or going on while I’m away (particularly at work) is nagging at me, but my brain is cooperating as I have not been thinking this nearly as much as I could. I think it’s because of my sleeping arrangements, they’re really good this time. The bed is firm, though the pillow could use some improvement, and I don’t have to listen to anyone snore so I’m actually getting a good night’s sleep

Today’s adventure the Byodo-in temple in the Valley of the temples, the dole plantation (it was a bust), and the north shore.

Also got to reconnect with the world with free internet while looking up specific Hawaiian stuff.

5/5
I think I ran into the night stand in my sleep because I woke up tripping over myself. I just crawled back into bed with a severe pain in my hand and my knee. When I woke up I had this massive bruise on my palm and leg.
Today’s adventure: The Swap meet!
This is at the stadium of the university of Hawaii, outside of it, all the way around and often features the same products over and over and over again. It’s a massive Chinese/Philippine import meet. I don’t really want to buy any of it if it’s like this. I’m not terribly fond of mass Chinese products. None of its unique, sometimes made with stuff that can kill you by people who are underpaid while the product itself has a price that’s double of what it took to make it. I'm also seeing a ton of shell necklaces. I'm no expert but it seems like there aren't enough shells in one kind in the world to make at least a thousand necklaces of the same pattern. Do they manufacture shells now? They look and feel real. I did find a few things—I got another Hawaiian dress but even this was a task. I was looking for something close to my vintage dress. A nice print in many colors that doesn’t clash but in cotton, and no mumus or an over glut of ruffles.

It’s not quite as colorful as I would like but at least it’s not white, black, ugly, or rayon. I also got some pictures by photographers who put them on magnets.
One of them told us there was a waterfall on the north shore that we could have seen and swam in. But it probably wouldn’t have been neat because I would have gotten too cold.
Also Diamondhead—had a slight panic attack because of the exertion and only having a lukewarm bottle of water for sustenance. Then on to the Halona Blowhole (BLOWHOLE!) and Ono Hawaiian food which is standard luau fare but better. We had more poi which tasted better because apparently it was old and old poi is the best (It. IS.). I sucked down a couple spoonfuls, not because I like it but because it’s really good for you.

5/6
Pali Lookout, Queen Emma’s summer palace, and the Honolulu Goodwill just for kicks. Our flight took off at 10:10 pm that night. I was on the pill again and was feeling the effects of it because all I had for dinner was a mahi-mahi sandwich at the Hale Koa. But the plane wasn’t full and there was an empty seat between me and the ill prepared rich boy college student who was going home to New Jersey. He brought only a knapsack and if my dad didn’t loan him a jacket he would have froze on the plane. I got to lay down and drifted into sleep for only a few hours at a time. They weren’t playing anything good on the way home anyway. We got home around 1 pm on the 7th.

....By the time any news gets here, it seems way less important. All worries of the continent just don’t matter unless they affect the islands. I at least feel like I’ve lived during this vacation instead of watch others which makes me feel a bit better but I’m still at a loss as to how I can make my life balance to include living at home (I probably never will! Yay! Unless I find someone who knows how to cook).

Book edit: kept me at roughly 27,000 words

May 13
Also the facebook of my 10 year reunion has informed me that others have made their mark on the world from my graduating class. One is a lower rank playboy bunny (I can't recall her...she does not look familiar, although this may be intentional) and the other got his degree in jazz hands at Harvard and is working I think as some background ornament in the London theatre district, I can't tell. Yay!

May 16
Someone thought they were giving me a compliment but were insulting me instead.

I asked him a simple question. What do you see in me?
His simple answer: I’m unpredictable. He thinks this is good to not know what I’m going to do next.
This is interesting, unpredictable like what?
Going out with him to a restaurant then excusing myself to the bathroom in which then, I crawl out the window, pick up some guy named Sven to take me clubbing or something and not take his calls until the next Tuesday? That’s unpredictable.
Selling all his clothes because I get it in my head that his style is crap? But then I don’t buy him anything, just an overly expensive purse bag from any given designer that I then don’t use and store in the back of my closet.
Move in with him then one day move Sven in when he's at work--while claiming Sven is my cousin and is going to be crashing with us for an unspecified amount of time.
Randomly take really expensive vacations without him and maybe tell him when I come back after he demands where I’ve been. Then wonder why he’s upset with me or why he no longer thinks I’m awesome.
Take up and abandon ridiculously expensive hobbies every three days.
All of this is unpredictable and probably something a sociopath would do.
Then I asked why he would want someone unpredictable for his better half.
And then I realized after he didn’t answer that question he really didn’t know me very well and that I may very well have fooled them all just by wearing odd things (and maybe being a walking source of useless information, that could lead people to think that I go out and do all this weird stuff when actually I just read about it). That maybe he actually means he wants someone spontaneous who keeps his attention and isn’t boring because all I am is just a meat sack who looks good in a dress whose sole purpose in life is to amuse other people with my antics constantly at all hours of the day and night when they suddenly get bored (oh but I’m being harsh, aren’t I?).
I guess I would be more exciting if I didn’t have anything to worry about. If everything was just handed to me and all my ideas were implemented then yes, I could be more exciting. But it’s not that way, I am no heiress and the way I have decided to make money often involves sitting in a dark room talking to myself when I’m not obsessively quizzing people on weird theories. Then there are those weird times when I want to try to act like those average people and pretend I have a life or rest, sleep, do nothing because even my brain gets overloaded.
I see it now, to those who are seemingly sane with the ability to hold down a good job and seem to know where they want to go in life—they take my outwardly appearance as a warning--and well they should. Those who judge me as the most thrilling person ever all the time, see me as a magic cartoon person who can deliver them from the mundane (really, if I knew how to do this, I wouldn’t be hanging out with them—all I know is that in order to do this I need a lot of money and I’m not there yet and for some stupid reason I’m not a gold digger.).
Ultimately I think it would be hard to explain to people that I’m a lot of different things without screaming in their faces ‘I’m a human being’ then running for my life while continuing to scream that.
But instead of going off on people not paying attention (yeah! They can’t really pay attention to me they’re too busy looking at themselves, shut up), I’ll take the opportunity to look at it from their view (I'll take it, all right).
There’s a principle in story telling—the iceberg principle. When you see an iceberg, you only 10% of it that is above water—the vast majority of it, or 90% is underwater, unseen. You’re supposed to do this with your plotlines. Tell 10% while 90% lurks, waiting for the right moment to reveal itself.
I think this applies to people. When we meet someone for the first time we are only seeing 5-10% of who they really are—5% if they’re pretending to be something they’re not or just don’t know who they are. And that’s the big problem of human relationships. People are rarely 100% actualized and we expect others to be to a degree subconsciously (I know I do, I have a bad habit of assuming those who are seemingly sane with good jobs should be more coherent and organized than I am. The reality is that they just know how to hide it better or are better at being in denial than I am). So you could be dealing with someone who is like 50% of who they will become in the future because they haven’t had the opportunity to either shape themselves or they haven’t gone through something that permanently changes them yet. People rarely seek out improvement of themselves until something goes wrong that forces a change. And there aren’t enough hours in my day to tackle random people and shout at them about changing themselves for the better or sit in jail cells waiting for someone to come bail me out.
When we go after people, we’re attracted to pheromones initially. But ultimately when we’re in a relationship with someone it’s often times that we’re attracted to the idea of what we seem to think is there. It’s what we want to believe is the best possible end point of happiness forever with this person, how the other person will improve our lives. For the most part we’re deluded until our delusion is finally right with the reality. But the chemical reaction of pheromones can trip us up if we’re too strongly attracted to the wrong person and we begin to resent them for all that they are and their lack of the ability to change (although, some people could use a good change because they are selfish jerks but the you know you can’t expect anyone to change by telling them to) or worse yet someone conforms to the other person’s ideal completely just to hang on to them. Like before, sometimes people get lucky and find the one person who takes them for all that they are or they're just on the same page at the right time and are just in synch for the good part of their lives together, but even in this kind of relationship, you can’t live without slowly influencing each other to change. Note: to consciously influence a person to change is stupid hard as you have to devote your life to them in order to get them to change and then you may not even want when they finally comply.
But then again, implementing this in my own life instead of attracting the same thing over and over again is just as hard.

May 27
And I be all like weirdo in the hiz-ouse. You know the party don't start til I walk in. Word. Well, that 10 year high school reunion was interesting. I was thinking it might have been a bust because there were 3 people there that I knew and I barely knew them at that (There was about 75 people out of 623). Mainly it being in a room full of vaguely familiar looking people while trying to guess who they are with my limited recollection of names and then realizing that there were a couple people who looked similar so I was probably wrong a lot (yes they had name tags but I wasn't about to be staring at people's chests all night). I had a bit of a mental slip for a split second reverting to old habits of being awkward when I first came in, and I went into observer mode pretty quickly though I had no problem conversing with people when they wanted to talk to me or if they did. I'm not really sure if many did remember me, probably because I did do my best to fall off the face of the planet at the beginning but I would have thought that my wakadoo wardrobe of the day would have stuck in their minds. Should I have just wandered around asking if people have seen me (no not in third person, just if they've seen me)?
It was alright, they planned it well. Maybe the 75 people were from around here only. When I went into retail right after high school it did seem like everyone just vanished on me, got out of dodge, ran for anywhere else but here. But then again I've read a lot of articles on the internet where it's like 'I hate high school reunions, if I wanted them in my life, they would be,' so maybe some people are thinking like that. Or they're ashamed of being unemployed (but it's been like this for years--I would say since we've graduated--so everyone is a loser) and/or haven't saved any money so travel for things like this are out of the question.
But maybe this proves it, that once you leave--there's no going back. That maybe I should stop trying to keep in touch with people (found out the once best friend has become pretty much become a gypsy drifter in these United States--she has a habit of making emails and myspace pages then abandoning them so needless to say it was a bit of a shock--I only hope that where-ever she is, that she's happy, I think she deserves that much though stability would be a good second.). Just go back to my observation mode but mainly cut off all my roots, push myself beyond boundaries in the name of writing a good story and not caring if anyone around me relates to me anymore. I'm half way there.
Progress on the writing; I may need a ranking system. I have job titles, and I have a few leads but they don’t have titles like commander or lieutenant. When they speak of the higher ups they announce themselves as a vague title that sounds like a taco bell menu item and what they’re the lead of. My lead of everything has no title, just a name and that inherently is the problem. I think I need to write out my hierarchy.

May 28,
Harumph. The place where the reunion was at made me sick, I think. It's notorious for being moldy even though I didn't smell any while I was there but Sunday morning I woke up hacking up a lung followed by a weird lethargy. After sucking down some Nyquil and passing out for a couple hours I was able to finish some stuff and finally wrangled myspace to take my pictures.
June 9
Make believe!
This is awesome [Mister Rogers Remixed | Garden of Your Mind | PBS Digital Studios youtube.com/watch?v=OFzXaFbxDcM].

Here's 28 figuring out more about herself:

June 15, 2012
Build that team
I had a task. It was teambuilding. Teambuilding is more often than not a group of people who are mostly unwillingly forced to participate in overly complicated and weird meaningless tasks designed to bring them together.

So after searching the internet for days and consulting with people, I stumbled upon and improved a party game. Random Questions.

Objective: How well do you really know your co-workers (oh he was such a polite guy before he went on that murderous rampage)? Start odd conversations by asking random questions to each other then answering them. You never know what you might learn about each other because this might prompt you to mention other things. Seriously, I’ve been in the desk jockey job for a year and I know little if anything about these people that are around me because they rarely mention anything of substance (weather, weekend, work, pop culture). They’re nice people, but, it’s mind numbing. I know, I know--if I really wanted people to know me, they would by now.

What did I learn: Nothing, I still don’t understand normal people.

Observations: I started it after a while. I couldn’t corral everyone because they wanted to discuss work (this was at a fun picnic and I knew it wasn’t entirely important that we teambuild but that was the banner we stuck it under so this would have been perfect), text friends, leave early, or throw washers. It may have been a useless task of trying to get to know them. There’s a contractor debacle going down and when it all comes down to it, a lot of people are going to be leaving for new jobs (because I didn’t leave after my end date for desk jockey two-year then everyone else has to leave!!!). I know. I made it my business not to depend on any of them here to prevent anyone from leaving because they are nice average normal people but I don’t know if I can take any more of this. I’ll go back to retail brain—where I don’t even bother to remember who they are because they’ll be gone in like a month (this has setbacks—I see people and I think I know them when I don’t because they remind me of others I’ve worked with), right, Boy (there's your quarterly attention)? Anyway, I tried to pass it around as I intended (bag full of questions, you take out a question, read it aloud, and answer it truthfully). However, most people did not want to do this, I ended up reading the questions and some people shouted out answers.

Mostly extroverts, I guess, but I think this would be a good game for introverts as it gives them a chance to talk (but that’s where you’re wrong—they don’t want to). But even the more social found it difficult to answer (a lot of people deliberately said they couldn’t answer the questions). Are people this afraid of judgment that their answers would bring? This is why I wish alcohol wasn’t in existence—people depend on it too much to find courage or just to shut down their brain that doesn’t care what others think. I’ve learned not to care because I’ve tapped my jerk potential and now I’m a better person for it.

To prove it, I’ll answer them all now even if I’m against doing this kind of thing here (it’s not about me it’s about everything else and writing here! Besides, it’s going to change anyway, right?). I'll even do it in short intervals so no one gets any more bored then they already are! You can play along too!

Why aren’t you a lion tamer?
Because I wasn’t accepted into lion tamer college. It’s my greatest regret.

What’s the weirdest thing you have ever eaten?
Probably the grass jelly milk tea and poi. Poi is weird.

What is your favorite ice cream?
For a while I was eating double chocolate brownie from Edy’s but now I don’t because I sit around too much.

What is one food you refuse to eat?
Asparagus. It’s nasty.

What is your favorite kind of dog?
We’ve always gotten mutts which are awesome (my last dog, though neurotic was awesome and smart—she was poodle/schnauzer) but if I have to go with a breed, I would say a husky.

If you lived under the sea, what kind of animal would you be?
Narwhal!!!!

Pick a wild animal for a pet.
I want a sloth. They always look so happy.

Do you have any pets, what are their names?
Sadly, no.

What animal would you be and why?
I have been particular to the Arctic Fox. Why that? I don’t know but I think I share traits with it, I’m a scavenger who lives alone in an extreme environment.

Animal face-off! Who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark? Defend your pick.
Bear. The bear has a limited ability to swim and in order to fight the bear, the shark has to get close to the shore. Also, the bear has paws with claws and the shark is just a chomping mouth

If you had a time machine and could go back in time to any time period, where would you go and why?
I like the gilded age because it’s neat looking but it would suck, particularly since I’m a woman and not affluent (dysentery and machine accidents for everyone! Really horrible air pollution, yay!). But the country was less populated, had more of a frontier and everyone looked nice even if they probably smelled.

What is your favorite accent?
Fake Swedish

What makes a good friend?
This one, I don’t have much of a good answer for. Someone who understands you? Is there? Understands your quirks about obsessive writing? Someone who doesn’t confuse recklessness with adventure and if they do they then don’t come crying to you when it comes time for someone to fix their lives?

What is one quality you admire most in other people?
The ease in which they drift through life and how easily their pet projects get completed. The way they are content in television, sporting events, and talking about nothing.

What is one of your biggest pet peeves?
There are so many…People who refuse to see things objectively. Or refuse to see beyond themselves or reject things flat out and not even try to learn because it’s so strange to them.
Coke or Pepsi?
Pepsi—coke seems too acidic.

How do you feel about carrots?
That they’re misunderstood.

What’s your favorite name for a boy?
I try not to like names because I’m sure once I like one, it will change if and when I have children. That’s why I like to come up with the stupidest names I can think of for kids and they usually end up for boys like Meriwether, Kmart Associate, Plumber, Haberdasher, Slootmacher, Weehawken, Hoboken (characters are a different story). Right now, I tend to like the names Nathaniel and Hiram.

What is your favorite name for a girl?
Even harder to choose. I like the long grand names because it’s like a force to be reckoned with. I hate cutesy names that are trendy right now and the whole use boys names for girls (pretty soon boys will only have numbers as names because once they get changed to women’s names it’s like no one wants to name their sons that anymore) or all these last names as first names nonsense particularly where there are thousands of names now at your fingertips because of the internet. And I really see no reason why you can’t name your kid something more foreign when people come to this country and give their kids American names (which are more likely to be anglicized Hebrew). I like Xochitl for being awesome, Dziadzan for being overly complicated (Armenian for either Morning star or rainbow), Dzaghganoush for being even worse (another Armenian name—don’t know how to pronounce it or what it means yet) I may not name my kids any of this. Iddoshe is an Amharic name I like and Santxa (sahnt – sha) is a cool looking Basque name—both of which I haven’t tracked down the meanings yet. Ophelia is one that always pops into my head (Greek—meaning Help), and in a similar vein Ophira (Hebrew—Gold). For really unique names in pronunciation and meaning I would go with Armenian, Turkish, Lithuanian, Mongolian, Khmer, and Amharic.

But to answer my question at two points in time I wanted to name my kids Naomi and Hepzibah.

What makes you unique?
Short answer: my brain

Why are people weird?
I can only speak for myself and that answer is because I want to stretch myself beyond my limits to see all perspective and probably because I’m genetically dispositioned for weirdness.

What are you looking for?
My imagination but that may because I’m tired a lot.

What’s your point?
There is none.

Defend your vice.
The thing I’m only obsessive about is writing. But it’s not really a vice or not the usual vices. It’s not evil. So I guess I’ll defend it (chocolate and I are speaking but it isn’t the same anymore!). Writing is always there for me, always listens, lets me explore things in detail and doesn’t get bored, always gives me something new to learn, is patient with me and never will leave particularly when I need it the most.

What is your least favorite word?
Signage. It’s not a word no matter how many people say it is. Also, when people over use curse words because of their lack of vocabulary or to display intenseness (I can’t say why there are taboo words to begin with but at the rate we're going they will be taboo no longer). I like to scream out synonyms in place of them—it’s more fun and I tend to think that whatever it is that causes such language isn’t that big of a deal anyway (POOOOP! Turds.).

Which words do you like?
Balderdash. Curmudgeon.

Do you think people can change?
No, not by my doing but eventually they do and they take forever.

Do you believe in fate?
Maybe I would if mine wasn’t so crappy. Well, I can tell you that whenever I plan something it never works out so maybe that’s fate.

Do you have a favorite work of art or artist?
Will Bullas and Josephine Wall.

What is your favorite holiday and why?
Kasimir Pulaski Day! It’s when we go door to door and sing Pulaski carols about getting shot in the crotch.

What is your favorite song or at least one you like right now?
Right now: Lights by Ellie Goulding

What is your earliest memory?
Yesterday! No, I would have to go with in Preschool. They’d take us to the bathroom all at once and one girl would automatically turn off the lights when she was done regardless of who was left in the bathroom. So everyone would scream. I remember getting some new shoes with glow in the dark stuff on them and I thought they would light up the whole room when she did that next time. I was mistaken.

If you could have a room full of one thing, what would it be?
Jello.

When did you realize you were an adult?
I’ve always been an adult. Get off my lawn. In actuality, I think I shift through ages a lot from like age 12 through 55. I have to if I want to write well and I think this confuses many people.

What is one thing you miss about being a kid?
Having someone cook my food and letting myself sleep in without having to get up and...cook.

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
First, I thought I would be a super hero. Later in first through third grades, I loved books so I was going to be a librarian. Then I started to write books so a writer from then on out. Now I just say I’m going to be an old hag of a hermit who lives in a huge ancient house at the end of the street when I grow up.

What outdoor activities do you like?
Log chucking! Axe throwing! I don’t really have a particular one. I sun myself sometimes because I need to for my brain and that I’m a lizard person.

How do you spend your free time?
When (fine, it's my own fault!)? I write. I think or try to. Read something. I burn out then do nothing on the occasion. I sleep! I don’t really consider any of my time free because it all just blends together. I multi task often when I’m doing real job and writing.

Are you a morning person or a night person?
I would say my best functioning hours are 10 am to midnight.

Were you named after someone?
No, I was named after a tugboat. No, my mother said the name Erin just popped into her head. But there is a tugboat that is seen on the Mississippi called the Erin Marie.

What makes you laugh?
Stupid stuff. Really, really, stupid stuff. Things I have laughed at: The upperclass twit of the year sketch from Monty Python, The Gumbies from Monty Python, The show Community, Regretsy. Consistently I would say skits that are like long winded random lists (like when they do that extreme music festival skit on SNL with Lil’ Blaster and DJ Supersoak).

What makes a happy family?
SPACE and the ability to keep out of mine. Get off my lawn.

What is a favorite childhood memory?
I’m drawing a blank on that. I can remember things, odd things, commercial jingles from back then but nothing favorite.

Do you have any hidden talents?
I can roll my irises into the back of my head. Both of my pinkis are double jointed. I can raise my left eyebrow by itself, twitch my ears, wiggle the tip of my nose, and I can only loop my tongue once. Not all at once, though. Any other talent like sword juggling—I would say no.

What is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you?
People do little things for me, try to help carry stuff, so that counts. Nothing huge unless you count my birth. I guess that was nice.

What do you think the secret of a good life is?
Keeping your mouth shut when I tell you to. Okay, really? Not being careless with your money, yourself or with others.

If you had to change your name to something else, what would you change your name to?
I’ve had issue with this and I’ve now come to accept my name (I thought it was a bit dull and a smidge common—especially since I’ve googled myself and found like 50 other ladies with my name and all of them are leading more interesting lives than me) mainly because I won’t respond to anything else. I also tend to think that a lot of names do not sound right with my last name. Especially the crazy names I like.

Would you go bungee jumping if you could?
No. I would tend to think that would hurt me.

What is one of your biggest fears?
Struggling financially. I don’t ever want to be a financially desperate woman—that leads to doing things out of desperation not because you want to.

What is something beautiful?
Hawaii is nice.

What would you like to invent?
I already am an inventor. Erincorp is the top in the industry of inventions that no one wants or needs.

What makes your life complicated?
Everyone else.

What title would you give your autobiography?
I’m always saying I’m the eccentric in everyone else’s life story so something along those lines. I don’t have any good particular puns that have to do with my life that would make a good title.

What is one thing you are extremely passionate about?
Writing and not sucking at it.

If you could describe yourself by picking a color, what would you pick and why?
Violet. It’s the color of my soul.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years (or where do you want to see yourself)?
This means I’ll be 38. I hate answering this the way I want to answer it because I think I’ll jinx myself. So I’ll say under the bridge down by the river.

Would you rather be hairy all over or completely bald?
Bald.

List three things you’ve accomplished so far this year.
1) I kept this job.
2) I got to 27,000 words of writing.
3) Most of what I do makes sense

Name an advantage that kids born these days have over older generations.
It's going to be real interesting to see what comes of these people as they grow older. There are so many resources about parenting and syndromes to better understand your kids. I'm just thinking back on myself--if there was anything they could have done to stop my anxiety and depression (which there really wasn't and still isn't due to side effects) would I have had it just a bit better than I do now? Would I have sucked it up and gone to college and studied something completely useless and gone into debt like everyone else? How would my personality be different than it is now? Am I better for all that I've gone through? Are we taking away character building the hard way? Are we taking away their fight? I guess it boils down to needless struggle versus providing the right support.

List all the countries you have visited.
Canada. Mexico soon.

Would you ever visit a psychic or a palm reader?
Yes, but I want to smuggle in a tape recorder.

What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
Sit down and hope my forehead can reach the bell alarm so I don’t have to hold it down with my finger, go into a trance.

Name a book you started to read but never finished.
I haven’t given up on it, it’s just taking forever. The Seven Pillars of Wisdom by TE Lawrence.

Name a bizarre gift you’ve received.
I haven’t? People can’t out weird me.

What traits of your parents are you inheriting?
I don’t see any. I really don’t—I take after other relatives

List three things you’ll never understand
Oh but I try.
1) Normal people.
2) Drinking alcohol
3) The stock market though I have a pretty good idea as to how it functions and how it got that way.

Name a music album that you can listen to from start to finish.
Yankee Hotel Foxtrot by Wilco, The Walk by Hanson, Quadrophenia by the Who, and I want to say Spirit Rain by Bill Miller.

What is the last thing you really got excited about?
I don’t get excited much anymore. I was happy and slightly panicking that I was going to Hawaii.

What is something you’ve always wanted?
I don’t want things much either. I get what I need. I don’t like a whole lot of junk in my house and when I see something I need I buy it. But other than procurement, I would say to finish this book.

Would you rather be rich and ugly or poor and good looking?
Rich and ugly.

Would you rather end hunger or hatred?
Well, if you end hatred then they might like each other enough to feed each other.

Would you rather find 10 million dollars or true love?
If I have 10 million dollars then I can buy true love bahahahaa! Or at least people will put up with me because I’m rich. Well, okay, you’re right—true love is ultimately better. But my definition of true love isn’t the magical kind that other people mistake it for.

Would you rather be a child forever or an adult forever?
This is hard and a bit vague. With youth you have all the physical capabilities and you’re not as cynical but back then I didn’t have all my brain together and I couldn’t do anything because all my ideas were shot down by others. So adult around the age of 25 (I only say this because health problems are occurring now)?

Would you rather have a third arm or a third leg?
Arm because I always need extra arms.

If tattoos only lasted for one year, would you still want one? If so of what?
Normally, I don’t want a tattoo. I’ve seen them on old people and it doesn’t end well. If you are wearing like a sleeveless formal and you have a sleeve of tattoos or just one on your arm it just looks weird to me (it’s not symmetric it makes me stare at that one spot). But for a year…I guess maybe a henna design on my hand or multiple stars on my face. I like designs like what the people of the south Pacific do, not really pictures of things.

What is your least favorite chore to do around the house?
Cooking because you have to sit there and watch it. I have better things to do with my time.

What are your three favorite smells?
1) Bleach (I don’t huff it but smelling it means, whatever it is, is absolutely clean--it's a side effect to the night job)
2) Most food
3) Coffee even though I’ve stopped drinking it

What are your favorite sports?
AXE THROWING! Log hurling! Extreme Ironing! Fine—gymnastics are neat to watch. I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite.

Where do you spend the most of your money?
Walmart? Amazon lately too.

What has been the greatest invention in your lifetime?
The modern computer (I know when they first invented it). The snuggie?

What is the last book you read? Did you like it?
All the way through: The Hunger Games. Yes and no. It could have been cleaned up a bit better plot wise.

What is one truth that you want to pass onto your children?
Everyone sucks. No, probably my iceberg principle on relationships and the nature of humans. I want them to be as messed up as I am but have the inability to cope with it.

Who is the best teacher you ever had and why?
Schmidty? He was fun, but I don’t recall anything he taught me (was this honors English? There was a lot of Shakespeare going on. It was my sophomore year).

Would you rather be a tiny rhino or a giant hamster?
Giant Hamster. Duh.

What is one of the happiest days of your life?
Hopefully not my last being that it was 10 years ago. High school graduation. I was pretty elated to get out of there.

Would you rather meet an alien visitor or travel to outer space?
I guess meet an alien then promptly get eaten. I’ll only go into outer space once they improve the travel methods.

That's all I did today. See, simple questions. I'm going away for a bit, I'll see you soon. I have to take the computer into the shop, it's running a bit slow (I'd really like to kick off some of this junk that's probably downloaded itself on my computer like I tunes, I don't understand it and I don't want it). So I have to do a save and unplug it. Good night.